Following Rubén’s death, we were shocked to see the lack of support available to us. As you can imagine, none of us really had the motivation to seek any help and as much as we would have appreciated the help to find us, we realised that was a somewhat unrealistic expectation. So, in honour of my boy, I set up a registered charity called ‘Remember Rubén’ that offers support to bereaved families that lose their babies through miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death.
One of the services we provide are remembrance boxes encompassing a variety of items that can be used to create some memories with your baby. As odd as it may sound, the last thing I was thinking about when Rubén was born was to take photo’s of him, or to make an impression of his hands and feet and unfortunately for us, we did not get to create many of these. I was so wrapped up in the moment with love and sadness that my whole attention was on my son. So, in an attempt to save another family from the same mistakes that we made, we have items such as disposable camera’s, impression kits and small bottles for a lock of hair for families to utilise if they wish.
Our boxes range according to different gestational losses. We have boxes available ranging from families that have early miscarriages through to bespoke, multiple losses. These boxes are donated to hospital maternity wards all over the UK to be passed onto bereaved families.
Another one of our services is that we hold regular talk days with hospitals, where we talk with doctors, nurses, midwives and trainees about our experience. Too often I have heard of professionals making throw away comments such as ‘at least you’re young you can try again’ or ‘it just wasn’t meant to be’. These comments are unacceptable, uneducated and unnecessary. Our talks are aimed at improving attitudes when approaching a newly bereaved family.
We also hold regular monthly gatherings throughout Essex for families to attend and meet other families that have experienced the same/similar losses. Grief can be isolating and quite often you can be left feeling as though no one understands what you’re going through. While there is some truth to this – no one truly will understand what you’re going through as everyone grieves differently, it can be useful to know that there are others out there feeling the same way. We offer refreshments and a safe environment to talk about your loss if you should wish to!
Overall, Remember Rubén is aimed at helping families that have experienced this tragic type of loss. While is it our wish that our services were not needed, baby loss is becoming more frequent that ever. If you would like more information about what it is we do, how you can get involved or you require some help for yourself or someone you know, please head over to our website for more information.