Last month Paul and I celebrated Rubén’s first ‘birthday’. We have kind of separated it subconsciously in our minds so that the 17th January is the day we said ‘hello’ and the 5th February is the day we said ‘goodbye’. Maybe it makes it easier to digest those particularly difficult few weeks. So, as it was really important for us to try and make his day as joyous day as possible, we decided to make it a 3 day affair!
I had been feeling quite strange in the weeks leading up to this day. I had become acutely aware that pretty soon, all of our ‘firsts’ were coming to an end, at least the one’s with him alive. We had gotten through our first christmas, new year, and his due date, we had gotten through the ‘this time last year.. I was pregnant, …we found out he was a twin and …we found out he was a boy. Now it’s our very last – this time last year our boy was born sleeping. I knew I was becoming a bit withdrawn, snappy and emotional but I knew I didn’t feel as anxious as I thought I was going to. If anything, I felt excited. I was like an overexcited first time mum. Paul and I had decided we were going to do something small and low-key with our family and something with just us.
Day 1, Rubén’s actual birthday, begun with a meal at the same restaurant we ate at for his funeral. During this last year, we have been trying to find traditions that we can have to celebrate Rubén and this restaurant is one of them. Because of the time of day, not all of our family could make it but it was wonderful anyway. Here are a few pictures I can share with you of his day:
We got him the most adorable cake which was absolutely perfect. I don’t know where our obsession with cute little elephants came from but I guess it has turnt into yet another tradition!
We didn’t want to sing happy birthday so we lit a candle, said a toast and blew it out for him.
After dinner, we went over to the crematorium where he was cremated to release some balloons (these are the same polka dot balloons we had for his funeral). We had all written a personal little message on a tag just for him.
To conclude day 1 of the festivities, Paul and I drove, a very frustrating drive may I say, 177 miles to the Peak District, where we had rented out a little cottage to have some space to reflect on the past year. We couldn’t not have celebrated with our family but it was also important for us to have some alone time.
Day 2 began with a much needed, relaxing drive to a little town called Dovedale. It was so beautiful and just what we needed. Although it was a little cold and foggy, it really served us as the perfect setting to think about our boy.
Of course, despite the dreary weather, Paul aka ‘The Big kid’ thought he could climb to the top of Thorpe Cloud..
Which he did!
And he even managed to capture the amazing view…
But he struggled with the dismount.
Of course, upon confirming the he was unhurt, I found this hilarious. Yet…
Day 3 was our final day of celebrating Rubén’s 1st birthday and we decided to go to Matlock Farm. We wanted to do something that we feel we would have done with him if he was here with us today and it truly was the perfect end to his birthday.
If you would have said to me this time last year, that we would be celebrating our boy’s birthday with massive smiles on our faces and hearts full of love and pride, I would have bet money that would not have been the case. But I can honestly say, we had a wonderful time and I just hope we done him proud. Thank you to everyone that was both a part of and contributed to his special day – we are eternally grateful to you all.
Happy 1st Birthday Baby Boy – We love you xxx